Tag Archives: weight loss

Body Rockin’ (sort of…)

19 Feb


Okay.  It’s a Project MILF update.  I actually found a program that I like!  And I am sticking with it! (if you ignore last week…and this week so far..but I have been out on my ass with a cold and Katherine is teething like crazy so I’ve been a little off.)  There is a postpartum weight loss/exercise group that I belong to on Facebook and one of the women posted looking for buddies for the Bikini Body Mommy 90-Day Challenge.  I looked into the program and decided to give it a go.  It started on January 6th and today is day 45 of 90!  Halfway there!  Although I am about a week and a half behind…I need to make up for my sick time.

But…this is the longest I have ever stuck with a program and here is why:  this chick is REAL.  She’s a mama, she has three kids, she has a hubby to keep happy, and she’s a personal trainer with weight to lose.  She is honest and open and she breathes heavy and sweats along with you in her videos and hates burpees just as much as everyone else.  I’m sorry but if you’re down with burpees you have serious mental health issues and we probably can’t be friends.  I subscribed to her 90-day challenge and get daily emails and do her daily videos posted on her YouTube channel.  She also has a meal plan you can purchase but I don’t do it.  I’ve just been trying to be more carb-conscious and increase my protein.  Basically just be more aware about what I’m putting in my body.

So how it works is you work out six days a week.  Three cardio days and three strength training days.  On Sundays you rest.  For cardio I’ve been loading up the baby and the dog and doing 2-3 mile stroller walks.  It’s unseasonably warm here in Southern California right now (high today is 76 degrees but it’s been in the 80’s lately) so it’s perfect walking/hiking weather.  I mean for all the bitching I do about wanting my kids to someday have a white Christmas…you really can’t beat 75 and sunny in the middle of February.

That’s my MILF status so far.  Numbers-wise, I’ve lost 6 pounds and neglected to take measurements when I started so I have no idea about my progress as far as inches go.  I will say that I sleep better, feel better, and am no longer huffing and puffing and cursing my way along my walks…which tells me it’s time to step it up!  I would like to start running soon if I can do it without eating shit while pushing the stroller…we shall see, friends.  We shall see.



26 Oct



Someone posted this photo in one of my online mom groups and it really got me thinking.  Basically it made me realize I need to quit being so uptight about working out and counting calories and losing weight.  I still want to do all of those things (and I have done a fairly decent job of it the last couple of weeks) but I also know my body will get there in its own time.  I say this one hour after googling “best over the counter diet pills.”  Clearly my head is all over the place with this weight loss journey thing.

I have a new found appreciation for my body.  It’s funny; the second I found out I was pregnant, my body image/esteem issues went right out the window.  Suddenly I was in total awe of my body.  I was an instant badass.  I was growing a person.  I’ve got a line of stretchies across my lower abdomen, they appeared when I was about 7 months pregnant.  I remember seeing them and thinking, “Goddamnit!  I almost made it without them!  So close!”  But now I look at them like little footprints, etches of where Katherine used to be, all curled up inside of my belly.  And I remind myself there are millions of women out there who would kill to be in my place, with stretch marks from their brand new baby, and I am grateful.  

Anyway.  Project MILF is officially underway and it’s…alright.   I worked out three days this week, not the five that I had planned.  I tracked my calories but also had a glass of wine with dinner.  And I’m okay with that.  To go from absolutely nothing to everything…I need to give myself a break.  I love the MyFitnessPal app – it really brings light to what I put in my body.  I can’t even tell you how many empty calories I consume in my coffee creamer alone.  I switched it up to sugar free flavors, though, and that has helped quite a bit.  Because there’s no way in hell I’m drinking coffee black.  

I know I’m eating fewer calories than before because I find myself staaaaaarving in the middle of the afternoon.  I look at my calories and debate having a yogurt or saving them for dinner.  The yogurt always wins.  It is more important that my man comes home to a happy, satisfied, lady, rather than a starving, angry bitch who is stopping herself from gnawing on her hand.  Am I going to turn down a slice of pizza and a beer on a Friday night?  Am I going to not split a piece of pie with Corey on one of our rare dinners out (with Katherine in tow)?  Hell no.  I want to live my life, find the balance.  Today, right this minute, is the heaviest I’ve ever been (when not knocked up), but it is also the happiest I’ve ever been.  I have an amazing, beautiful family and fabulous friends and a man who loves me absolutely unconditionally and doesn’t hesitate to tell me every single day.  So what if my jeans are a little larger than they were a few years back?  A few years back I didn’t have a beautiful baby, or the love of my life.  

Exercise.  I’ve ditched the gym, basically.  Instead I have taken up Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred via YouTube in the privacy of my own home.  Her program is 30 minutes and it kicks.  Your.  ASS.  I am sweating hard by the end of it. It is as exhausting as an hour of kickboxing class at the gym, except I’m at home, and Katherine is next to me, and it really is done in 30 minutes instead of the hour and a half it takes at the gym (driving time, day care check in, class, home).  It’s an awesome program.  Lots of basics – squats, lunges, bicep curls, sit ups, but it gets the freaking job done.  Plus she has always scared the crap out of me on Biggest Loser so I figure what better motivation to exercise than fear.  Hahaha.  You can order her program here, or if you are cheap like me, the YouTube link is here.  I sign into YouTube through our Xbox account and it pops up on our TV no problem.  There are three levels and the idea is to do ten days of each level.  I’m obviously still on level one.  I can’t imagine what will happen to me when I hit three.  

So there’s my update.  Numbers wise, if you must know, I’ve lost three pounds.  Not a lot but it’s something and you gotta start somewhere, right?  At my fitness assessment at the gym, I was told I need to lose 50 (holy shit!) pounds to reach my “ideal” weight.  I know that weight is attainable because I have weighed it before.  Am I actually  going to lose 50 pounds?  Who knows.  I’d be happy with half that to be honest.  I just want to be healthy.  I’ll know when I feel good, when I’m where I wanna be.  Mostly I want to set good examples for our girls.  I want them to see me walking and moving and making smart choices at the dinner table.  But I also want them to see me happy to have a piece of cake on my birthday.  I want them to feel good about their bodies and the only way that is going to happen is if I feel good about mine.  Hashtag truth.

Project MILF.

30 Sep

How I currently look:


How I would like to look:


Do not worry.  I know me turning into Kate Upton will never happen unless I grow ten inches and lose ten years.  But I am ready to get my body back and dive into MILF-hood.  I was cleared from my doctor about 6 weeks ago at my postpartum check up but frankly I was too damn exhausted to even think about a treadmill or counting calories.  It was enough that I was showering daily.  But now I believe we have established a groove and I feel like I am at a point where I can start to think about me again.  GASP WHAT OMG.

So.  About two weeks ago I joined up again at LA Fitness down the street and even got a free fitness assessment (results: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL) and personal training session.  Then I got sick for a week.  Then I got better and went to a spin class and did not die, hooray.  Although my ass…owwwww those seats are terrible.  Someone needs to rethink that shit.  Then I went on a 5 mile stroller hike with another mama friend and did not die from that either.  Then I ate 4239423 pounds of tri-tip and chicken and potato salad this weekend so now you are all caught up on my postpartum fitness journey you lucky duck.

Katherine will be old enough for the day care at the gym next week which will make it a lot easier for me to feel the burn on a daily basis.  Right now my gym times have to work around Corey’s work schedule.  There’s a class every morning at 8:30 so my goal is to hit those up and have her hang in the kids area for an hour or so.  I am not even going to pretend to try to work out on the weekends, especially in the middle of football season.  Like I am going to walk away from hot wings to go to kickboxing puh-lease.  On Sundays I kickbox my way through a bag of chips and some sweet sweet Coors Light.

I am also going to change the way we eat.  I do a majority of the grocery shopping so basically what I buy determines what gets cooked.  Once A Month Meals has a great Paleo menu (protein and veggie based, no carbs) that I am going to put into action this week.  I am planning to cook a full month’s worth of food this time around so I’ll let you know how that goes if I don’t drink myself under the table in the process.

Ultimately my goals are:

*work out 5 days a week

*Paleo-friendly diet

*get back to feeling super hot about myself and looking the way I did when I met Corey OHMYGOD no wonder he went out with me holy crap – this requires a 40-50 pound weight loss sweet baby Jesus that’s a super high number okay okay one day at a time

Side note: I gained 20-25 pounds while pregnant (depending on the scale), which means I have about 10 pounds of baby weight left to lose – the rest is all long-term relationship weight that I have packed on the last 4 years.

I realize this is a giant undertaking, to really, really get in shape for basically the first time in my life.  But I figure with this time off, now is as good a time as any to get started, and I can’t think of a better reason to get crazy healthy than my sweet baby girl.

So…wish me luck!  Here goes nothing!

Rich Bitch Cooking


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